In Memory of Raymond Roberts 1928-2004

In 2004 I was blessed by being asked to help at the funeral service of a very good friend. His son Floyd asked me to read this poem.

For several years Raymond had helped with Vacation Bible School at Immanuel Baptist Church at Nashville, Arkansas, having missed the last one only because of his health.


He was faithful, trying his best to make a good example for all of those little fellows who would attend Vacation Bible School, knowing that his impression could make a large difference in each childs life and their future.

All of us could take heed from the example Raymond set amongst all of the children, as well as all the adults who passed thru his life. For the example we set, may well make the difference between heaven and hell for each of them. Raymond was not ashamed to let you know Jesus was his Savior and that he depended only on Jesus.

Hope you enjoy this poem as much as I have.

Those Little Fellows

A careful man I want to be.

Some little fellow follows me,

I do not dare to go astray

For fear they'll go the same way

I can not once escape their eyes,

Whatever they see me do, they try.

Like me, they say they're going to be,

Those little fellows who follow me.

They think I'm good and fine,

Believes in every word of mine.

The bad in me they must not see,

My life to them must an example be.

I must remember as I go

Through summer's sun and winter's snow,

I'm building for the years to be,

For those little fellows who follow me.

Merry Christmas,
Jerry

What Is America Coming To?

With the many people who seem to be out to take God and Jesus out of American, what is America coming to.

They say we have the right to believe in God as we will, but yet they try their best to keep us from expressing this belief.

I have also had them tell me that I can believe as I want, but I have no right to express that belief when I vote.

They may even outlaw, May God Bless, Merry Christmas, as well as the right to worship as we choose.

How much longer will we who believe in God and Jesus have any rights left to express our belief?

It seems everyone has rights, but those who believe in God and Jesus. If we do not stand up for Jesus, our rights will be completely stripped from us. Them America will not be the home of the free and the brave. Don't be ashamed, take your stand for Jesus, it will be worth it.

Merry Christmas,
Jerry

Pneumonia

58 years of age and I had pneumonia for the first time even though I did have the shot about 2 year back. Have not rightly felt like writing anything.

5 days in the hospital, entering hospital by ambulance running 104.7 degree of fever, a round of oral antibiotics all was well. Returned to see my doctor 7 days after getting out of the hospital, a X-ray, all is clear in my lungs.

The next day I start running a low fever, 99 to 100, now I have been 3 days on this antibiotic with 1 day left, still running a low fever.

Today the doctors nurse said the low fever is not really a concern at the moment, but I'm ready for it to leave.

I suppose we will find out in a few days if the fever is going to go away.

I suppose I am finding out what its like to have pneumonia.

May God Bless,
Jerry

"Let not your heart be troubled" John 14:1

Bird flu, Pirates, and Many Terrorist

Bird flu, Pirates, and Many Terrorist in our world. What does all this mean for this world.

I have no idea. But I do know I am not going to worry about it to much. Why? Main reason is I can do little of nothing about it.

Plus, I have a promise from God, Let Not Your Heart Be Troubled. I know what happens after this life. It will not be just that I am buried and that is the end of me. No, Jesus has promised where He is, those who have him as their Savior will be there as well, that being Heaven.

That dawned on me to a new level recently on an ambulance ride to our local hospital while running 104.7 degree of fever. I thought about the promise Jesus made me, Let Not Your Heart Be Troubled, them turned everything over to Him. Them waited to see the outcome, whatever it would be it was alright with me. His choice was for me to recover.

So now I'm at home with my wife recovering. Since getting out of the hospital Monday, with each new day I feel better.

Today I was even able to stand behind the pulpit and give a sermon that God has given me the Sunday night before right before delivering my message that evening. Let Not Your Heart Be Troubled, was the name of it.

This sermon was for me on that ride in the Ambulance to the hospital, but for our church this Sunday morning as well.

I hope you have already settled things between you and God. If not, them your next life will be very unpleasant. It will not be a dark hole and all is over with. It will last forever just as God has told us, and you will be competely aware of it.

May God Bless,
Jerry

A Lesson From Daddy

I learned many lessons from daddy growing up. Some were extremely important. This one I want to mention is just one I learned from watching dad and listing.

We had a small country store, so we knew most everyone in our community, that was right neat in itself.

But I remember the many conversations my dad had with one man. His name is not important, I will just call him Mr. brown, which is not his name.

Mr. Brown would come over to the store many times just to talk and catch up on what was going on. Back in those day there at our store was where they learned that someone in our community had died or hose has burned, or the many other things.

My dad was 100% Democrat, Mr. Brown was 100% Republican, so some times their conversations got a bit heated.

I remember observing them one time when it nearly got a bit overheated, as least to me it seemed that way. But I also remember dad saying as Mr. Brow drove off, I hope this not to mad and comes back, not really saying that to me, just expressing his thoughts with words.

Well Mr. Brown did come back, many times. He and dad had many more conversations for as long as he was physically able to.

The lesson I learned by watching dad and Mr. Brown is this. Two people can have a big difference of opinion on whatever it may be, it should not stop them from being friends. And also that even if someone else's opinion differs from ours, we should hold complete respect for them and their right with out getting hostile and bent out of shape.

Dad and Mr. Brown taught that to me as a young boy in rural Arkansas in the 50's, without knowing the very valuable lesson that would be to me and the many times it would help me in my life. I just wish more people could learn such a lesson. It would make America a much better place. Maybe even displace much of the hate so many have nowadays.

May God Bless,
Jerry

Iwo Jima

Recently I read about a man, can't remember his name right now, if someone knows it I would appreciate you letting me know and I will try and add his name to this.

But in the 40's he had got fed up with life in these United States and the people so he moved to a tropical Island to get away from it all and live his dream life.

But guess what the name of the Island was, yes that's right, Iwo Jima, and if you remember history, a great battle was fought there.

One can not rightly get away from the woes of this world, we have to live in it with the problems that come along in it. But we do have a choice.

If we chose God and His Son Jesus, we will still live in the world, but this world will not be out home. You know something like Abraham, he lived in a tent searching for the promise land, but the promised land did not really come to him till his death. We know from the story of the rich man and Lazarus that Abraham found the promise land, it being eternal life forever with God and Christ.

We to can have that promise here in the 2000's. But it only comes from accepting Jesus as our Savior, and them we can live ever day in this world with the promise of eternal life from God and Jesus at our physical death.

No one in this world, not even this United States can protect you from what may come. As you know this United States is trying to prepare for a big outbreak of the flu. But it can not protect you from that or some one who wants to send terror forth in the United states.

But with God's gift, you can live each day knowing if your physical life ends, you will still have a more wonderful life in heaven that you have ever had in this world.

He that believeth on him is not condemned: but he that believeth not is condemned already, because he hath not believed in the name of the only begotten Son of God.
John 3:18

If you have not already, why not today, accept Jesus Christ as your Savior where you can live knowing.

For our conversation is in heaven; from whence also we look for the Savior, the Lord Jesus Christ: Phil 3:20

That your conversation, that is your home, is in heaven from where Jesus came from to die for our sins on the cross some 2000 years ago. Why wait, now is the time you need to prepare for your future before it is to late, for death can come at any moment, them it will be to late.

May God Bless,
Jerry

I had never gave much thought to Rosa and what happened on that day so long ago.

Growing up here in rural Arkansas we did not have much racial trouble around here, and at the time I did not pay that much attention, of course when Rosa's was asked to give up here seat on that bus I was yet pretty young.

I think its sad that anyone in this world would ask anyone to give up their seat and move, no matter who they are or what color they be.

To me the man that asked her to move should have been the one arrested, and if justices had of taken place them, that is exactly what would have happened.

To many people in those days, as well as modern time think way to much of their selves. I fail to see why we all can not live in peace and treat each one as they should be treated

But I don't suppose that will happened in our society where we have to many people who think they are better than others, and or to many people who think they are owed a free ride.

America would be a much wonderful place to live, if only we would get over our prejudices and demanding so much from our country and do as JFK said, "Ask not what our country can do for us, but what we can do for our country."

And yes, I think Rosa did the right thing by not giving up her bus seat.

May God Bless,
Jerry

Don't Worry About Things You Cannot Change

I believe, life is too short to worry about things you cannot change, I really believe that is good advice for those who have been given away by their mother at birth and or like me was put in an orphan home by my father at about 20 months of age after mother, sister, and a brother perished in a house fire.

No doubt such things as these does have a big effect on us and it can be hard to come to terms with.

But it is a fact, no matter how much we worry and or think on them, we can not change one thing that has happened in our past.

In saying this, I am not saying don't ever go back and see what you can find out about a birthmother or father, I'm just saying, please don't let the things of the past destroy you life. I think if a person wants to try and find out things about birthmother and birthfather is a good thing.

For I know of the empty spots that be inside of us from not knowing our birthparents, plus the feeling of being rejected, I suppose cuts the deepest wounds within us.

As for me I found my help in my faith in God and how He takes care of those who love Him, Romans 8:28. And that is my suggestion, look to God for help, He has been much help to me.

Which for me, there is no way of going back and finding my mother, for she did die, but as for my birthfather I never had a longing to meet him. When he took my brother, my sister, and me and placed us in that orphan home after that tragic event I just have never once wanted to meet him nor cared little about gaining knowledge about him.

In the 90's I did gain knowledge about him, but I found that throwing his children away went right along with the kind of person he was. He lived for self, lived for what he wanted to do, and made sure that nothing got in his way of doing those things he loved to do.

I found this out from was many family members who I met in the 90's. Now it was nice meeting all of them, it did feel in empty places that were within me.

I even met one of my birthfathers sisters, and she was a joy to meet, but she was nothing like my birthfather, in fact she had raised my birthfathers youngest son by his first marriage. For you see when his first wife died, he threw the 5 children born of that marriage away, the youngest being 6 months of age.

She did not speak very highly of her brother, my birthfather, but rightly did not want to talk of him much, but did speak of her other 2 brothers who were nothing like by birthfather.

So if you want to find out about your past, go for it. But please don't let it ruin your happiness during the present time. I know the hurt and pain that can be inside of us, but we should not let it rule our life, for there is just no way we can change what has happened, but we can go forth and make sure we never do things to hurt our children as we have been hurt. That was the though I had when I first looked in the eyes of my daughter on March 22, 1970. That my daughter would have a father who would always love her, be there for her, and never hurt her as my birthfather hurt me.

At 58 years of age, I can say that God can take the things that happened in our past and work them out for our own good, if we will only put our faith in Him and let Him do do.
May God Bless,
Jerry

Why Can't All Of Us In America Be More Like This?

At a fundraising dinner for a school that serves learning disabled children, the father of one of the students delivered a speech that would never be forgotten by all who attended.

After extolling the school and its dedicated staff, he offered a question.

"When not interfered with by outside influences, everything nature does is done with perfection. Yet my son, Shay, cannot learn things as other children do. He cannot understand things as other children do. Where is the natural order of things in my son?"

The audience was stilled by the query.
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The father continued. "I believe, that when a child like Shay comes into the world, an opportunity to realize true human nature presents itself, and it comes, in the way other people treat that child."

Then he told the following story: Shay and his father had walked past a park where some boys Shay knew were playing baseball.

Shay asked, "Do you think they'll let me play?"

Shay's father knew that most of the boys would not want someone like Shay on their team, but the father also understood that if his son were allowed to play, it would give him a much-needed sense of belonging. Shay's father approached one of the boys on the field and asked if Shay could play.

The boy looked around for guidance and, getting none, he took matters into his own hands and said, "We're losing by six runs and the game is in the eighth inning. I guess he can be on our team and we'll try to put him in to bat in the ninth inning."

In the bottom of the eig hth inni! ng, Shay's team scored a few runs but was still behind by three.

In the top of the ninth inning, Shay put on a glove and played in the outfield.

Even though no hits came his way, he was obviously ecstatic just to be in the game and on the field, grinning from ear to ear as his father waved to him from the stands.

In the bottom of the ninth inning, Shay's team scored again. Now, with two outs and the bases loaded, the potential winning run was on base, and Shay was scheduled to be next at bat.

At this juncture, let Shay bat and give away their chance to win the game?

Surprisingly, Shay was given the bat. Everyone knew that a hit was all but impossible 'cause Shay didn't even know how to hold the bat properly, much less connect with the ball.

However, as Shay stepped up to the plate, the pitcher moved in a few steps to lob the ball in softly so Shay could at least be able to make contact.

The first pitch came an d Shay swung clumsily and missed. The pitcher again took a few steps forward to toss the ball softly towards Shay.

As the pitch came in, Shay swung at the ball and hit a slow ground ball right back to the pitcher.

The pitcher picked up the soft grounder and could have easily thrown the ball to the first baseman. Shay would have been out and that would have been the end of the game.

Instead, the pitcher took the ball and turned and threw the ball on a high arc to right field, far beyond the reach of the first baseman.

Everyone started yelling, "Shay, run to first! Run to first!"

Never in his life had Shay ever made it to first base. H e scampered down the ! baseline, wide-eyed and startled.

Everyone yelled, "Run to second, run to second!"

By the time Shay rounded first base, the right fielder had the ball.

He could have thrown the ball to the second-baseman for the tag, but he understood the pitcher's intentions and intentionally threw the ball high and far over the third-baseman's head.

Shay ran toward second base as the runners ahead of him deliriously circled the bases toward home.

Shay reached second base, the opposing shortstop ran to him, turned him in the direction of third base, and shouted, "Run to third!"

As Shay rounded third, the boys from both teams were screaming, "Shay, run home!"

Shay ran to home, stepped on the plate, and was cheered as the hero who hit the "grand slam" and won the game for his team.

"That day," said the father softly with tears now rolling down his face, "the boys from both teams helped bring a piece of true love and humanity into this world."

I hope this will make many have 2nd thoughts. We grown ups ought to get a big lesson from this.

May God Bless,
Jerry

What Makes Us Who We Are

To be honest I have had that thought many times in my life, I suppose because of what happened in my life at 20 months of age.

What would I have been, where would I be now, if my mother, brother, and sister had not died in that house fire back in 1948, and or my father had not put my brother, sister, and myself in an orphan home.? We have no answer for that.

If it had not happened them I would probably not be married to my wife Linda, nor have a daughter Jerri Lynn, nor the 2 grandsons.

But, I know the answer, its in the bible. Yes I know, many do not believe there is a God. They would label all things as fate.

But I have know the answer to this for many years, Romans 8:28 tells the story, God Worked out things for my good.

"And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose." Romans 8:28 (KJV)

And He will do the same for you, if you will let Him. But the greatest thing He can do for one is to save their soul from spending eternity in hell.

But you may be one of those who say, I'm a very good person, I do many wonderful deeds. In fact I live a much better life than my neighbor who is a Christian.

But remember this, a person is sent to hell only because the do not have Jesus as their Savior, not because of how good they are, how much better than someone else they are, nor because of how bad they are, its simply because the refuse the free gift God offers them.

"He that believeth on him is not condemned: but he that believeth not is condemned already, because he hath not believed in the name of the only begotten Son of God."
John 3:18

"He that believeth on the Son hath everlasting life: and he that believeth not the Son shall not see life; but the wrath of God abideth on him."
John 3:36

Yes, those who are condemned, are condemned because they have not believe on the name of the only begotten Son, Jesus.

If you have not accepted Jesus as your Savior, I hope that you will consider what He can do for you.

God can do many wonderful things for you, but the greatest is thru His Son you can have the promise of life eternal in heaven right now.

"For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life."
John 3:16

May God Bless,
Jerry

Thought From Reading a Few Blogs

I'm right new to blogging, know very little about it. When I started this blog I did not know exactly where it would go. From time to time though I want to write about my early life and the tragic happenings in my early life. But now I feel compelled to think about my Savior. From reading several blogs, it seems to many people are worried over things of this world, and never mention Christ. "Jesus said unto him, I am the way, the truth, and the life: no man cometh to the Father, but by me," John 14:6, and the only way to the Father is thru Christ and they seem to ignore Him.

They are all different kind of troubles, one says his web sited doesn't load fast enough.

Another one is worried about whose blog is linked to theirs, I suppose they fear it will not be worthy of being linked to their blog.

Another one is worried that they will not get enough visitors and wants to be sure they have links well placed were people can find their blog.

Few seem to be worried about what happens at the end of this life, and that just might be the most important thing in their life. Well, if there is a heaven and there is a hell it will be extremely important, for they will go to one or the other.

If there is no hell nor heaven them its not worth one though. And that comes back to my point, everyone got some kind of trouble they are trying to figure out and its about things of this world.

They seem to be getting quite a bit of attention, but they are wanting even more, is it because, "They are of the world: therefore speak they of the world, and the world heareth them," 1 John 4:5.

That has to be it, they are of the world and the world heareth them.

If they were real overcomers of the world, maybe the things of the world would not mean so much to them. now why would I think that? "Ye are of God, little children, and have overcome them: because greater is he that is in you, than he that is in the world."

That is why they have so many small things bothering them, they are not worried about what comes at the end of this life.

Our Creator says they are a heaven and a hell. He has also told us that He has unconditional love for us, Romans 5:8. But they are some conditions that have to be met for us to escape life eternal in hell. Only those who have believed upon the name of Jesus will see heaven, those who do not will be condemned forever in hell, John 3:18.

But how about you, have you thought about what will take place when your life ends, are maybe you have been to busy with the small things in life to think about this. But now is the time to take care of this matter, for tomorrow may well be to late, for life can end at any moment. Them its to late to chose Jesus.

May God Bless,
Jerry

Something To Ponder

Sometimes a persons happiness is determined by the things they don't do.

I read that though sometime back. After thinking about it, I believe it is true in everyone's life.

I know a couple of husbands who are very unhappy, because they cheated on their wonderful wife, now they have no family.

The person who chooses not to get drunk, perhaps if he had, it would have robbed him or her of all their happiness, for they may have gotten behind the wheel of their car, drove on to the highway, them had a head on collision killing a young mother and their child, that will rob ones happiness.

A good guide line to follow, is if God says not to do it, don't do it. Walking with God will lead to total happiness, that will come when we all get to heaven, the promise one can have only thru Jesus Christ.

May the Lord Bless,
Jerry

Truth Is Always Right

Seems many adoptive parents do not want to tell the child the truth, but to wait till they get old enough to understand. I feel that is a very bad mistake.
I want to write about an example, but this does no right concern adoptions, but I believe it applies to it.
A husband and wife I know, their daughter had a child at an early age. They did not believe in abortion, which I think is great so they handle it like this.
The mother and father took this child, a boy, and raised him as their own, never telling him the truth of things.
The things is, everyone that lives around these part knew, except for him.
So he find out when he is going to get married, because that was the first time he had saw his birth certificate.
For many months he would not talk to the man and woman who he called father and mother, nor would he speak to his birth mother who he was raise to believe to be his sister.
That has been several years ago, but he is still not on very good terms with his family. The closeness that had been there seems to be forever gone.
This man and woman who chose to raise this boy up in a lie, was the woman who I called mother 1st cousin, so I know several details about this.
They were many you warned them, and told them to tell this young boy the truth, but they would not, but said we will tell him when he gets old enough to understand, that day never came, and now that whole family is paying for not telling the truth.
No doubt, the truth is always right.
May God Bless,
Jerry

Birth Defect

One thing about not knowing ones family, is you know nothing about medical history. I know none of my family's medical history except for my sister who grew up with.

In 2001 after having had much trouble and 2 neck surgeries I find out I have a birth defect in my head called Chiari Malformation, which is fairy rare.

It force me to go on SSD, for it, and other problems in my head and neck causes me much trouble. In fact it has left me in constant pain, which is not welcome at all. But it is something one has to deal with.

But it has left me to where they are many things I should not do, but sometime I will go ahead and do them, them for the next few days I pay for it.

In fact right now I am paying for having done something, for it has left quite a pain in the back of my head, hopefully in a day or 2 it will go away, if not I suppose it will be back to the doctor.

So maybe in a day or 2 I will feel a bit better and get back to what is normal for me and I can think a bit and write something else about my life without mother.

If I had 1 wish, it would be to know what it felt like to get a hug from my mother. Thru no fault of hers I do not know what that would be like.

I am right proud of her, for she gave her life trying to save her child, so I know my mother loved her children with all of her heart, she proved it when she turned to go back into that burning house to get Bobby Dean. How I wish that Betty sue had not run back in after her, but I feel she thought that was the thing to do.

My sister Dixie had me in one arm, Betty Sue's hand in the other, but she broke loose and ran after the mother she loved so much and I feel sure she was scared out of her mind.

I can never imagine the thoughts that went thru Dixie's mind as she stood there holding me, watching the house burn and mother screaming.

I don't know if she was screaming from the fire, or trying to tell those 2 children to run.

What ever it was, I feel that sound never will leave Dixie's mind that she heard that evening.

But thanks to Dixie I was safe from that fire that day and I am very thankful we got to grow up together, so many who go into a orphan home do not.

God has really been good to me. I hope you share your life with God and His Son Jesus.
May God Bless,
Jerry

The Past Is Hard To Write about

For me, the past is so hard to write about, to search my mind for the events that took place so long ago.

I rightly think many times we have a mental block, to block out bad times that were in our past, to where we can get thru the present time better.

Thursday visiting my sister in the home, she is 62, I'm 58, her mind is fair at time, at other times its not very good at all, I asked Dixie if she had an image in her mind of what Betty Sue and Bobby Dean looked like. She said I can't remember their faces. I sure wish I had a face to go with them.

But thankfully I do have 4 or 5 pictures of my mother, one of her mother and father as well. I was so happy to get them, especially the one of mother.

I remember when I first visited my Uncle Lawrence Carter at Atkins, Arkansas. I would ask him questions about mother, he would try and answer them. Them all of sudden he said. Would you like to have a picture of your mother. Wow, what a moment that was, I had dreamed of finding out what mother looked like, but rightly thought that was something I would never know.

Of course I blurted out, "YES!" That was about all I could say at that moment.

His wife, my Aunt Dorothy went to find it, when she brought it back to me, all I could do for a few minutes was set looking at this picture of mother with tears coming from my eyes. For 50 something years I had dreamed of having a face to put on my mother, finally I had it, it was quite a moment in my life.

So many people fail to understand the emptiness in people such as I, or those who have been adopted out by their mothers, or for what ever reason separated from their parents at an early age.

There is an empty spot in us, for it is not natural not to have your mother and your father.

I had no idea I would think about that time I looked at that picture and for the first time would know the face of my mother.

I am going to go ahead an post this, but I may well come back and change it up just a bit, I can not go no further at this time.

But I want to end with this, it takes none of the love away that I have for the man and woman who raised me up and treated me only as one would treat their own child. They did give me a life, I thank God for them and the sacrifices they made for me.

May God Bless,
Jerry

My First Movie

Not long back while visiting my sister in the home she is in, she has quite a bit of mental problems, she brought up the trip to the movie, our very first movie.

I had told about this event to my wife Linda a long time back, she got a big kick out of it, hope you do to, and it did my heart good for Dixie to remember that Saturday night so long ago.

I will just tell about that night as I remember it. Like I said, this was our first movie, plus my life had been shaken up quite bad just recently.

It was one of those westerns in full color and John Wayne was in it and Richard Widmark, may have that last name misspelled.

Any way we were setting about half way down in the center. Now I had never seen nothing like this, probably had not even see a TV, and this was right after I was left at the Smiths by the Rivers and spend most all afternoon crying.

Anyway, the cowboys and Indians were on that big screen going ever which way, bullets were flying, arrows where flying, people were falling off of their horses dead, I got scared!

I leaned over an told Dixie, "Lets get out of here, I'm getting scared."

Of course she tells me, "Be quite, watch the movie."

Well the last thing I wanted to do was watch this movie and be quite, everyone was getting killed and it looked to me as if they were going to come right out on top of us and we had not where to hide nor run.

So a few minutes later I whispered to her, "Dixie, Lets get out of here, I'm sacred."

Of course again she tells me to be quite and watch the movie. Well I set there for a bit, them I could not stand it no more, I jump up and head out of that place just as fast as my 5 year old legs would carry me. I had no idea where I was going, but I knew I was getting out of there before it was to late. But when I got out the front of the movie theater and the sidewalk, I turn right and go running up the sidewalk on main street.

This was on a Saturday night, back in those day most ever one went to town on Saturday evening and the streets would be full of cars, and many people standing on the sidewalks visiting with one another catching up on what had happened in the past week.

Well as I run up the street, the woman I called mother, and her mother were setting in the car with the doors open.

Grandma saw me running up the street, and told mother, "Isn't that Jerry running up the street?"

Sure enough when she looked it was me, the man I called dad was standing out there talking to a man, mom hollered at him, "Kelsie, there goes Jerry running up the street, you had better catch him."

He looks around and sure enough it was me running like a streak of lighting up main street as fast as those short legs would carry me and I was suppose to be in the movie with Dixie.

Well dad takes off and it doesn't take him long to catch me. He picks me up and says, "Where in the world are you going?"

Well I look at him right straight in the eyes with a very serious look and say, "Dad, lets get out of here, there going to kill us."

Of course he asked who is going to kill us, I tell him, "Those cowboys and Indians on those horses in that building, there killing everyone in there, come on let go before they catch us and kill us!"

Them of course he realizes that I got scared and come running out of the theater.

But here not long back he while I was visiting Dixie, she says, "Why did you run out of the movie?"

At first I did not know what she was talking about, and rightly I did not expect her to even remember that night, so I asked her what movie.

That first movie we got to go see, the one that was in full color, she named the movie, who played in it.

Them I though for a moment, them said,, Dixie, are you talking about that one where I got real scared and told you lets get out of here?

She said, that's the one, why did you do that, I got in trouble because I was suppose to be watching you, but I was not about to leave, that was a good movie, what scared you?

Them I told her about what happened when dad caught me and picked me up.

I can just see myself, 5 years of age, dad caught me running up main street and I was scared out of my skin, running for my life, and I look him right in the eyes and say, "Dad, lets get out of here, there going to kill us."

Of course the only reason I remember what I said was because of the many times dad told me about that night, and he could not help but laugh when he would say, you had such a serious look on your face looking me straight in the eyes saying, "Dad, lets get out of here, there going to kill us."

I remember well, I was scared to death that night, but now I can look back on it as a precious memory, but the main thing was I had a man that cared about me and proved it over and over again thru out the years.

A man and woman brining a child in to this world don't make them a father or mother, what makes a father and mother is they love you, protect you, feed you, clothe you, and they never do nothing to you that will bring you any kind of harm, and they do not throw you away.

God blessed me, I finally had such a father and mother about the time I turned 5 years of age, and I have thanked God for them many times.

They were a real father and mother.

May God Bless,
Jerry

A Picture I Never Dreamed of Having

I uploaded the first picture that I have of me, It was taken about 30 days after I was put in the orphan home in 1948, I was just a bit over 20 months of age.

It contains 1 of 4 pictures I have of my brother E. W.,.

The man standing on the far right in the back row, I lived with him and his wife for a short time, his son is the 2nd on down from him, his name is James Rivers, I was fortunate, I found him last year and he sent me this picture. I would have never though I would have a picture of myself and my brother at this young age.

My brother E. W. is the first boy to the left on the front row, I'm the 6th one down from him.

After our mother, a sister, a brother died in a house fire, our birth father put us in this orphan home 30 days later, we were to much in his way, for he loved drinking and chasing wild woman, its hard for a man to do that and raise children.

I don't suppose I will ever understand how a man and or woman can give up there children, they have to have a very cold heart to do such a thing.

But, God took care of me, I finally had a mother who believe very much in the truth of this verse.

Joshua 24:15 "...but as for me and my house, we will serve the LORD."

And that love was passed on to me, and the wife and I try our best to serve God faithful. Its amazing how anyone could have any doubt that this world was created by God and that Jesus Christ did die on the cross that we might have the promise of everlasting life in heaven when this life is over or when Jesus comes in the sky for His own.
May God Bless,
Jerry

Starting School

Today as I was working in the yard a bit, I was thinking back on when I started school and the first 6 years. They did not go to well for me, I suppose it was because of what happened in August 1951.

That was the day, this is the expression I use for it, Bro. Oley Rivers and his wife threw me away, much life my birth father had done by putting me and my brother E. W. in an orphan home 30 days after our mother, sister, and brother perished in a house fire.

I did not find out until just recently why this happened, I shall expand on that later.

But the Rivers having done this left me feeling rejected I suppose, but it did hurt me all the way down to the bottom of my heart. Here I had been living with them, had come to love them, trust them, them all of a sudden they are completely out of my life, the day that happened I suppose I cried more that day than any day in my life.

But here comes school, here I am starting the 1st grade. This did not set to well with me, I suppose I thought here we go again, now these people are going to get rid of me.

Regardless of what I thought, I had much trouble with school, in the 1st grade many days I would just set down and start crying. And it seems nothing would stop me until mom or dad came and got me. I don't know how many times they had to do this in the first 5 grades of school.

I often wonder if the teachers had any idea what I had been thru, for no doubt its effect was working on me.

But I never remember mom or day talking to me harsh about those days of having to come to school to get me, and it happened many times. I really think the teachers did not know how to deal with me on this.

What I think it was, I thought this was a way for the Smiths to get rid of me, so when I would think of this, and that day the Rivers got rid of me, I would just start crying and could not help my self.

The 5th grade was when I came out of this, and I think a lot of it had to do with my teacher that year, a Mrs. Boyd. I think she talked with mom and dad about this, and they told her a bit about me and my past.

For, when this would happen, she would take me out of the class room, or where ever it happened, and take me some where private, and hold me and talk with me, comfort me, them when I would settled down, she would take me back to our room.

Looking back on those first years, I do wonder what the other children thought about me and all those times when I would start crying and mom and or dad would come get me and carry me home.

But, during the 5th grade I did start coming out of it, and got much better, them in the 6th grade I did not miss one day of school, a miracle had happened I suppose. I was on my way to recovery.

I think what had happened, during that 5th years, is I finally realized that I could trust the man and woman I was calling mom and dad, that I did not have to worry, for ever day I would ride the bus home I knew that mom and grandma would be there for me, that they would never throw me away, never leave me, that I could trust them.

It makes me so mad when I hear people say, what happened to me when I was growing up is why I am this way, that is just an excuse, I have seen so many use this excuse. I have never use what my father did to me as an excuse to hurt anyone, or do any wrong, we make our own choices, what we do it because of the choices we make.

I talked to Bro. Oley's son about a year ago for the first time since all that took place many years ago. He spoke of how his dad said what a good thing he had done for me, not even ever knowing how much his dad hurt me that day, but he did not tell me the real reason for his dad doing this. He told me his dad did that so that I would grow up with my sister, that sounds honorable, but that was not the reason, that was not the truth.

Bro. Oley got fired as pastor of this church, had left me and his wife in the parsonage, and moved out of state. This was a big burden on her, she had no job, and here she was left with me in the parsonage of the church, her husband fired for adultery, and he goes off and leaves her. I feel assured that was an extremely tough time on her.

She and I moved in with her parents I think, Bro. Oley finally got in touch with her, they worked out a deal, he would come and get her, them take me to the Smiths, leave me there, them they would try to repair their marriage. So that is what they did, and yes they got back together. He had a job working, but pastured a church as well. Makes me wonder about him. Seems to me he was pretty cold hearted, how can a person do a child that way, just throw him out.

For you see, he was the superintend of the orphan home when I was put in there by my birth father, when he left the home to go pastor this church he and his wife carried me with them. But to the Smiths wanted to adopt both me and my sister, but no, he wanted me, him and his wife had grown so close to me that they could not do without me, them look at what he did to me, hurt me worse than I had already been hurt, and him a messenger for God. I wonder, if I had of been his real son, would he had still threw me away to give him and his wife a new start in life?

No, I have forgiven him for what he done to me just as I have my birth father, for one can not go thru life hating some one, it will eat your insides up. Forgiving someone for what they have done for you, many times does more good for you than it does for them.

And on March 22, 1970 when my daughter Jerri Lynn was born and I looked into those eyes, I was determined that she would never suffer the pain which I did, that her dad would never throw her away. And thanks be to God as my helper, I was never like my birth father nor Bro. Oley.

And it matters not what you have gone thru in life, how bad you have been hurt, if you will let God, He will help you to, and give you the strength not to do as the one who hurt you did.

A long time back in a speech, President Ronald Reagan said, the problems we face in this nation, this world, the answer to all of them is Jesus Christ and He is the only answer, I promise you, if you will let Jesus, he will help you thru any problem that you have or ever will have. I can tell you this from my own personal experience.

I wish I could put the words together better in this than I do, but this stuff is very personal and it is hard to write down, but I shall keep trying, in hope that maybe at least one person may get some help from my experience.
May God Bless,
Jerry

Where Will This Go

I have no idea where this blog will go, subject wise. But starting out I thinking about the life I have had for the past 58 years without my mother. For I lost her at the age of 20 months in a house fire, along with a brother just a bit older than I, Bobby Dean Davis, and a sister just a bit older than he, Betty Sue Davis.

Three of us survived, my older brother, E. W. Davis, my sister just a bit younger than he, Dixie Jo Davis, and me with the birth name of Gerald Leon Davis.

After this tragic event, my brother E. W. and I found our self in an orphan home 30 days after that great loss, Dixie lived with a family in our home town for about 6 months, them our birth father brought her to the orphan home.

I may explore much of this as I write within my blog day to day. But I have wondered so many times what life would have been like with mother. How it would feel to be held by her, hear her voice say my name, playing with her, just any of the normal things a son would do with his mother.

But I want complain, for God has taken good care of me, after that tragic event and another rough event that hurt me extremely bad, I found myself in a good home, which many youngster is such a situation never have.

I got to grow up calling a man dad, a woman mom, and her mother grandma, and they gave me very much love and took right good care of me, and treated me as their own.

Sometime back a few friend and I were setting at a coffee shop having a conversation about a friend of ours who has an adopted son, and this son had 2 children. He is divorced and had many trouble, one reason is he is slow. But one of the people setting there made the comment, I don't see why Wanda is so concerned about him and his children, after all they share no blood relations, so she can not love him as a true son, nor can she love those children as true grandchildren, why does she even have anything to do with them?

I was shocked to hear this friend make this comment, I did quickly inform them that I have some experience in this matter, I loved the man and woman I called mom and dad with all my heart, that love was returned to me by them, they made many sacrifices thru the years for me, I know they would not have made these sacrifices in life which they did, if there had been no love.

Anyway the conversation went on, but this person never would say, that a mother or father could loved an adopted son as they would a true son. Their opinion is, without a blood connection, there just cannot be real love.

Thinking back on 58 year, the woman I called mother having died in January 1991, the man I called father having died in December 1992, all the love we ever had for one another was true love, and I think it was proved day in and day out all the days that God shared these 2 people with me.

Of course, as I said at the start, I do not know how it would feel
to be held by my birth mother, hear her voice say my name, playing with her, just any of the normal things a son would do with his mother, it could not have been no different than what the woman I called mom expressed towards me many times, over and over again, it is that the woman I called mom had a different personality than my birth mother, and love me with all of her heart.

And I think in my heart, my birth mother, Elizabeth Carter Davis, would have been proud that this woman I called mother expressed so much love towards, when I was sick comforted me in her arms, when I needed advice would freely give it to me, when I needed correction she would correct me, shared many happy moments together, and hugged me with love when I was in need of love being expressed towards me. But even with all of that, I can not help but wonder what it would feel like to have grown up knowing my birth mothers love.

May the Lord Bless,
Jerry